They are not qualified. They are very confident.
A shelf of houseplants with too much personality, answering your gardening questions badly.
There is a real answer in every one, in the box, where they can't reach it.
The Residents
Six carry the strips. The rest recur. Nobody can leave.Mille
Kalanchoe daigremontiana · mother of thousands
Hundreds of children, knows where every one of them is, none of them call.
no. 02Frederick
Ficus lyrata · fiddle leaf fig
Catastrophises on a decade delay. Not Freddie — nobody has ever earned Freddie.
no. 03Sister
Phalaenopsis · moth orchid
A nun, and before her vows a hair stylist. She never stopped.
no. 04Clare
Anthurium clarinervium
Professionally Madame Clarinervium. The fraud on the shelf who happens to be right.
no. 05Katarina
Alocasia · elephant ear
Katie to her face. Retreats every winter, returns in spring faintly insulted that everyone panicked.
no. 06Monty
Monstera deliciosa 'White Monster'
Beautiful, slow, and structurally incapable of feeding himself on one whole side.
The bench
Recurring. A bench resident who graduates to core earns their own ink.Vera
Aloe vera
Has a remedy for your problem regardless of what your problem is.
no. 08Vinnie
Dionaea muscipula · Venus flytrap
All threat, no reach. Three inches tall and unaware of it.
no. 09Canaan
Begonia maculata · polka dot begonia
Certain there is a better shelf. Will never arrive. Has to be propped up, literally.
no. 10Constance
Spathiphyllum · peace lily
Collapses dramatically, recovers within the hour, would like an apology.
no. 11Vic
Dracaena trifasciata · snake plant
Needs nothing, says less, regards everyone else's requirements as a personal failing.
The room
Light is the hierarchy. Proximity to the window is status, permanently contested.Vera, Vinnie
Brightest and most contested. They call it the Conservatory. It is a windowsill.
Mille, Sister, Clare, Katarina
Bright but indirect. Where most of the conversation happens.
Frederick, Monty, Canaan
Too big for anywhere else. Placed, not arranged.
Constance, Vic
The only two who tolerate low light. One regards this as character, the other as a slight.